It’s been ages since I’ve posted, but I’m still writing. I tried to enter the <a href=”http://www.writersofthefuture.com/rules.htm”>Writers of the Future Contest</a> (I know, L. Ron Hubbard, but it’s a pretty famous contest), but I don’t think I’m going to get my submission in time. I still have issues with revising, something I desperately need to get over. Every time I think about rewriting I just hit a wall. I’ll do anything to avoid it, even write a whole ‘nother book!
Countdown to Nanowrimo! October 31, 2007
Yes, it’s that time of year again. So flex those fingers, crack those knuckles, sit your butt down, and get ready to type type type!
For those of you who don’t know, Nanowrimo is a challenge to write a novel of 50,000 words in the month of November. No, it doesn’t actually have to be a novel, from start to finish. Write 50,000 words of a coherent storyline–that should be enough. It’s exhillirating, frustrating, teeth-gnashingly fun! I’ve done it, and finished, twice now, in 2002 and 2006. And, of course, it’s at the Nanowrimo after party where I met Ryan.
So, up until this moment, I had no idea what my story was going to be. I’m not a natural outliner. Nevertheless, in previous years I’ve started with _something_–an image, an idea, a theme, a character. This time, I had nothing, until a few minutes ago, when a scene came to me. I feel much better now. Just a few more hours now to stew over image and come up with a plot…
No words October 25, 2007
I just returned from a fantastic vacation. A honeymoon, actually. Three glorious weeks in France.
I can’t complain. The only thing is, now that I sit down to write, I find I have no words. I’ve made several false starts, forced myself to get”black on white.” I rather feel like a car sputtering to start.
I read somewhere that it takes a week, at least, to pick up creative steam. I suppose I’ll just have to be patient, and keep at it, until things start picking up for me again. Still, it’s disconcerting. I think this is the longest time I’ve taken without writing for the last two years or so. Even while planning for my wedding, I was writing fiction up until the day before the event. I’m hoping it will give me some perspective, to not have written for so long. One thing’s certain; I sure did miss writing.
All written out? October 1, 2007
Today I feel a little emptied out, as if I’ve over extended myself. It’s odd, I didn’t really write more than usual, but I feel carved out. There are few words left rattling around inside, and little desire to write. Sometimes, like tonight, it just feels a little fruitless. My candle is just one more light among thousands, and always with the struggle to be fresher, specific, clear.
Ack! I’ve lost it! September 28, 2007
Okay, got a new tentative outline for my rewrite. But as I’m starting to write it, I suddenly find I’ve lost it. You know, it. The magical it. The sense that tells you what works and doesn’t work in a story.
Used to be I could just listen, or think about my story, and I’d get excited as I’d feel the suspense building as scene after scene takes the reader toward some conclusion. Or I’d feel the symmetry of my parallel story lines. I’d know instinctively when to write in this person’s POV or the other person’s, when to speed up or light the fire, and when to let it cool. I can’t do that any more.
The thing is, I’m unhappy about it, but I’m not scared. I suppose it’s because in part I’ve lost “it” before; it will come back. But I’m also beginning to feel that when I lose my grip on these things it’s because I’m learning. I’ve shed the old ways of thinking and feeling, but I haven’t yet developed my new sense. At these times I feel the urge to read and fill the gaps with good stuff. So for now, I’ll begrudgingly put aside my story, but happily take up a book.
Ambiguity September 17, 2007
I’m getting the message from folk that are kind enough to critique my stuff that they don’t like ambiguity. This is a problem–I do. Almost everything I write has some level of ambiguity. There are no good or bad guys. There’s no evil. This is a bigger problem in fantasy, especially, where for the most part people expect no grey (Harry Potter, Lord of the Rings, Star Wars). While this tendency is changing (George R.R. Martin’s Song of Fire and Ice series) the expectation, and the want, is still there. People want to know whether something is good or bad, whether they should root for it or curse it.
I’ve always challenged the notion of evil and will continue to do so. Stories of black and white tend to bore me–yes, it’s nice to have such clear distinctions, but in reality, few, if any thing, will be evil or good. Sorry, but in my stories, something just _are_, and you’ll be on your own to figure out right from wrong.
I lost my voice! September 12, 2007
I suppose this is the danger of working on multiple stories at once? I’d been working on draft in first person POV–what drew me to the story was the character’s voice, which I heard as if she were whispering in my ear. I put the draft on hold for a bit because I’d reached a roadblock. Now I’ve cleared the roadblock, plotted a course using an outline, but when I sit down to write, the voice is gone! Will she come back? I certainly hope so.
I blame this on the outline. I’ve started using outlines because several people recommended doing so, and because writing without one can be done, but it takes a terribly long time. And there’s a lot of heartache and anguish involved. But with an outline, I just can’t feel my characters the same way. We’re not discovering their story together; I’ve already told them where to go. A large part of the reason a particular plot works or not is because of how it’s written; when I outline, I’m not taking that into account.
I’m sure there’s a happy medium, somewhere, somehow. Its just a matter of finding it, maybe loosening my grip on the outline.
Full circle September 11, 2007
In the last three years I’ve gone from writing with abandon, then scrutinizing every aspect of my writing and trying to apply lessons from those writing books, to going back to writing with abandon. And I have to say, it feels damn good.
My attitude change was the result of a new draft I’m working on. I mulled over it, I took a writing class and decided I was starting the story too soon, based on the professor’s opinion. But his recommendation would mean I was writing an entirely different story, not one that I’d thought of before. I tried to do it–I sat down and wrote out outline after outline, but I just couldn’t get excited about it, so I put it away, thinking I’d deal with it later. Well, recently I pulled out the stuff I’d written prior to the class, and reread it. And fell in love with the story again.
So here’s the thing. To me, there’s no point in writing if I’m not writing what I want. I want to do this more than I want to be published. I’ve educated myself about writing, how to show not tell, and all that. I hope I’ve absorbed them somehow. But in the end, I just want to write with that wonderful, freeing abandon.
I want to write like a man September 6, 2007
Okay, that sounds weird, vague, and sexist.
What does a man write like? Obviously it depends. So maybe what I mean is, “I want to write more masculinely.” I need to channel my inner yang.
Sometimes I feel like my writing is too delicate. I’m constantly on the search for what sounds pretty, what looks pretty. Mincing words, slicing this and that, but always I have the compulsion to embellish, complicate, or make more subtle.
I’ve been thinking recently about author Stephen Pressfield. He write historical fiction that I enjoy. He writes about warriors, and his prose is like a knife that cuts. Sometimes it’s a bit too sharp or blunt, sometimes he pares out a little too much, but there’s no ambiguity, no wishy-washy-ness. It is what it is. And I like it.
So I’ll try an experiment. From now on, bold statements. Swift decisions. Short sentences.
Ah, sweet muse. July 12, 2007
I woke up a couple of nights ago I had an intense dream, and on waking, knew I had to get it down on paper. And I’ve been writing it ever since. Besides the premise and four of the main characters, I know little else about the story, or even the world it’s set in. I’ve never quite felt like this before, not even in the giddy moments of Nanowrimo, but the story is coming so smoothly. I usually write things in piecemeal, as a scene comes to me, and then another, regardless of where they might be in the book. But this one, the first four chapters so far have rolled out for me, even before I know what I’m going to write, I’m typing away.It’s a great feeling.
Mary Renault must have rubbed off on me. I definitely hear both Theseus and Bagoas in my style and the voice for this book. I’ll have to watch it–I don’t want to sound identical to her, much as I admire her.
This is also the first fictional piece I’ve written in the first person, and I heartily recommend it to people who are having trouble, as I did, with story crafting and controlling narrative.
Here’s the thing. First person has an enormous amount of power because it lets you play with the omniscient without letting go of a close POV, because your narrator is your character. The very flaw of first person, is also it’s greatest strength.
So some people say first person is doubly artificial in fiction. First, there’s the fictive past, which, in the lives of the characters, is really the present. Then, because the narrator is telling a story as if it’s happening, but if it’s written in the first person, the narrator already knows what’s happened, and they are telling the story. Which is why I think that some of the most compelling and effective uses of the first person narrative are for books that span a great deal of history.
Again, I’m heavily influenced by Renault here, but take a look at her novels The King Must Die and Persian Boy, Steven Pressfield’s The Virtues of War, John Irving’s A Prayer for Owen Meanie, and Jaqueline Carey’s Kushiel Series. Each of these is told in the first person, each spans many years, and in each, the author effectively weaves the past together with the character’s “present”. It’s a commentary, so we get the benefit of the character’s having lived through the entire experience. They drop in comments–“Had I known then as I know now I would have…” or something to that effect.
I’m having great fun with it now. It really forces you to think about how to plant information, how to form the story structure.
Anyway, this is a lot less articulate than I wanted, but I’m eager to get back to my work. Maybe I’ll clarify this later.
Finding the Words 
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