Okay, got a new tentative outline for my rewrite. But as I’m starting to write it, I suddenly find I’ve lost it. You know, it. The magical it. The sense that tells you what works and doesn’t work in a story.
Used to be I could just listen, or think about my story, and I’d get excited as I’d feel the suspense building as scene after scene takes the reader toward some conclusion. Or I’d feel the symmetry of my parallel story lines. I’d know instinctively when to write in this person’s POV or the other person’s, when to speed up or light the fire, and when to let it cool. I can’t do that any more.
The thing is, I’m unhappy about it, but I’m not scared. I suppose it’s because in part I’ve lost “it” before; it will come back. But I’m also beginning to feel that when I lose my grip on these things it’s because I’m learning. I’ve shed the old ways of thinking and feeling, but I haven’t yet developed my new sense. At these times I feel the urge to read and fill the gaps with good stuff. So for now, I’ll begrudgingly put aside my story, but happily take up a book.